Forbidden Math

I’ve taken to staring at walls a great deal.

Two lyrics from Jackson Browne’s immortal “These Days” once again describe every thing about me well, these days.

Well I’ve been out walkin’

I don’t do that much talkin’

These days

(…)

These days I seem to think a lot

About the things

That I forgot to do

This morning I stare across the trenches at monumental changes in my life (don’t worry-these changes still be largely the stuff of secret; if we share friendship you will be privy soon enough). These days, I’m not doing that much talking, and I’m giving a lot of thought to all that I’ve never gotten around to doing.

While I do not consider ThisSpace a journal, I do find it funny how my personal journaling tends to inspire me to share with the scattered dozen whose eyes land here. Allow me to try and polish it for public consumption by way of a question.

Anyone know how to untangle personal faith from an ideal, from an institution, from a (perhaps) ill-founded dream?

I think the content of my atrophied soul’s wonderings has been to ponder how faith (mine, actually; not that on some impotent chalkboard) stands apart from well, everything else.

Let me make it tangible.

I don’t go to church these days, mainly due to my work schedule (but also due to laziness).

How well does (or should) I expect my faith to stand, to grow, to nourish itself?

I don’t work at a Christian institution any more, by (sometimes lamented) choice.

How should my faith function in places where it is a sorta quirky “lifestyle choice” to everyone else, not necessarily a decision I make every day about the star around which my personal galaxy orbits?

I graduated seminary some six months ago.

How should my faith function, both in private and in vocation, given the richness of the theological education I’ve undergone?

Subtract those three things and… what do you make of my faith in Christ?

What does such a faith look like?

A crooked stick? An empty jar? Filthy rags?

Can you subtract all of the things that make you a Person of Faith and just retain well, that faith?

Are you supposed to do that?

Permit me to drop a bit of historical analogy on you, one that doesn’t quite fit but makes the point as best I can contrive at the moment.

It became the uber-hip, in vogue thing in the 19th century to subtract all that stuff that well, we’d prefer weren’t in the gospels and the rest of the New Testament and reduce all of Christianity down to just Jesus as Love Guru and Omnidirectional Revolutionary Force for Hire or something. (See guys from Crossan to Spong to Chopra for such ‘making of Jesus in an image of our own choosing’ today.) That was then and always has been the default answer to the ‘what do we do with this Jesus?’ question.

Well, I wonder if I have not done something similar, by subtracting most all of Jesus except for whatever I can get going on with Him by myself.

The stuff I don’t like about Jesus, like his expectation that I make church, or make effort to grow in the knowledge of him, or negotiate tough teachings about him, or deal with the unpalpable things others in my tradition may do with him, or, whatever… I guess I’ve sort of subtracted all that I don’t like about the Lord and stuck with what I can would rather hold onto.

By myself.

Alone.

For the Christian, the forbidden math is that which leads to one.

Alone.